If you vacation with a pastor and his wife you don’t expect to hear about the church back home. After all, your clergy friend is on a much-deserved vacation. Yet, interesting stories surface. Here are a few that were recently told to me by a friend I’ll call “Pastor Jim.”
—Party Geese: This is what can happen when a parishioner’s geese get into some fermented corn silage. One day, the farm wife looked out the kitchen window and saw her geese collapsed across the yard. Dead! She thought. Something has poisoned them! No good for food now, the resourceful woman decided to pluck the geese and use the feathers/down for pillows. Afterward, she took the birds to the garbage dump. Hours later while the farm couple was eating their dinner they looked out the window to view naked birds staggering home and honking their woes. What a party! What a hangover!
–Make Room: A family moving from northern Minnesota to an unknown destination ended up in Pastor Jim’s town on Christmas. Their truck had numerous crates of chickens and a goat, plus an artificial Christmas tree strapped above the luggage. Because the priest was president of the ministerial committee he received the knock at the door. A motel room for the family was not a problem, but the livestock was another matter. Thankfully, there was a solution. One of the Protestant churches had an unfinished sanctuary. Its walls and roof were up, but the floor was still unfinished. After a phone call between the clergymen, the family and livestock were settled that Christmas day. Imagine the surprise the next morning when construction workers open the church door and were greeted by chickens and a man milking a goat!
–Landing a Plane: Pastor Jim makes lots of visitation calls. One elderly couple recently was so pleased to have a first-time visit from any pastor they gave him $100. I told him, they didn’t get their money’s worth. But he sometimes goes the extra mile. For example, while visiting one nursing home he found former pilot and Alzheimer patient Mike trying to land an imaginary plane. The poor man was sweating from fear. Pastor Jim sat beside Mike and became his co-pilot as they worked to get the craft down safely. After that, Mike was able to have a nice chat with his minister.
–Sing “Hallelujah”: During one service, the choir sang Handel’s Hallelujah Chorus from the back of the sanctuary. Suddenly, an elderly gentleman keeled over. Without missing a beat, the choir director motioned for the choir, still singing, to surround the fallen gentleman and thus provide some privacy. That man died right there, hearing Handel’s music.
—Dessert Thief: One Bible study group Pastor Jim taught ate dessert together after the meetings. During one lesson, an attender excused herself during the study, supposedly to use the restroom. Her real destination, however, was the church kitchen, where she consumed the entire pan of dessert. When one of the Bible study leaders found the dessert gone, she became extremely angry with the thief. Her orders to Pastor Jim: “I want you to tell her she is never, ever allowed to come to our study again!”
Here is the part I like. Pastor Jim replied, “I cannot say that, and I will never say that! She has an eating disorder. She will always be welcomed!”
Amen to that.